Blue Christmas
by TeaAndGlee
Summary: Marley knows that Christmas is always a time of difficulty for her. With problems such as relapses and tragic anniversaries, she finds it hard to cope. What will happen when, at a Christmas party, it all becomes too much? Will someone be there, or will her inner demon get the better of her? One-Shot. I own nothing related to Glee! Trigger warning: bulimia.


**Here's a Christmassy One-Shot for you guys! I couldn't resist :-) Please just assume that for this story the Evans are not poor and do not live in poverty, haha! Glee kind of forgot about that storyline, and so did I xD**

**And for those interested or those who want a visual, the outfit that Marley wears is the one that Melissa wore to the Trevor Live event in early December (the same event where Melissa and Blake confirmed their engagement :D )**

**Trigger warning: Bulimia. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

* * *

The brunette girl fumbled with the clasp on her necklace with sweaty hands as she tried to complete her look. She needed to look her best for his occasion – Sam Evan's Annual Christmas Party. Because Sam was popular, several jocks and Cheerios would most likely be attending, but he didn't miss out on any opportunity to invite every Glee Club member to the annual event.

Marley had been dreading the party because Christmas was often a trying time for her – so much food around made it difficult for Marley to resist, and when she ate (what she thought was) too much, she would get extremely anxious. And the solution to this would often be one that had been the most common escape route of her younger sophomore self – forcing herself to throw up.

The second reason why the season wasn't quite so jolly for the girl was that her father had left her and her mother around Christmas time. This meant, as well as the food dilemma and panics about Christmas shopping (and all the rest), Marley would have to take extra care of her mother, who would often be bawling over her husband's departure – especially as this year would mark the 10th anniversary of the event. It was times and occasions like these where her mother was awfully weak, and she was dependent on her daughter. It was also due to this that Marley felt the guiltiest she had ever mustered to feel to leave her mother alone in the house that night.

Marley finally completed clasping her necklace together, and was now self-consciously tugging on her short dress. She had bought it yesterday alongside Kitty ("_Listen, Virgin Marley. You _need _to buy this dress if you don't want to be the laughing stock of the party with your adorkable knee-high socks and that ridiculous newsboy cap you wear all the time, alright? Besides, you look H-O-T-T HOTT and this dress actually fools people into thinking you have boobs and a butt, and I will not let you take it back. Understood?") _And she had no choice but to buy it; it was on sale, after all. However, Marley was unsure of who she was trying to impress at this party. Her ex-boyfriend Jake? No. Despite her fantasies of sporting a sexy outfit that caused him to drool at the sheer sight of 'the one that got away', he was with Bree now. And they were happy. And Marley didn't even have feelings for Jake anymore. Besides, they were friends now.

Marley tossed her curled hair away from her face and looked at herself in the mirror with yet another self-conscious expression. Her makeup was simple, albeit ever so slightly dramatic around the eyes, and she believed that she looked pretty; it was her body that was the issue. As she turned from straight in front of the full-length mirror before her to the side multiple times, she couldn't help but feel _unpretty._ She believed that her reflection depicted that from the side, her stomach stuck out quite a lot, and her shoulders looked smaller than ever. Her hips were wide apart and sacks of fat clung to her revealed legs. She almost felt like she could break down in that moment, just by glancing at her unappealing reflection. But there was no time to change, and she had nothing else to wear but the monochrome black-and-white patterned mini dress that clung to her figure. She was just glad that the dress had sleeves; otherwise she would have been even more conscious of her look. She slipped on the black high heels that she had also bought with Kitty, grabbing a black clutch bag quickly and walked out of the door, echoing goodbyes and whereabouts to her mother as she stepped out into the cold December air.

* * *

Marley rang the doorbell to the well-decorated and large house, hearing the thumps of the music from inside even from outside the Christmassy Evans home. She wiped her clammy hands on her petite dress and twisted some curled hair around her index finger nervously, nibbling on her lip with anxiousness. She was greeted by a smart-looking Sam and the blast of the loud music. Marley greeted him in the form of shouts over the music and made her way through the crowd. The homely colours painted on the walls made her begin to think that the party wouldn't be so bad after all, if she just stuck to her friends and didn't eat too much-

"Woah, look at the little dress that just walked into the room," a jock exclaimed, gesturing to Marley, and a chorus of jocks wolf-whistled in agreement, smirking to themselves and walking to Marley like a pack of hungry wolves; the brunette was now looking slightly afraid of what was to follow. "I wonder if the twin that's still in your mom would be just as smokin' hot as you are tonight, honey. How _did_ your 5000 pound Mommy feel when you ditched her tonight, just like your father did all those years ago?" The jock smirked as he played with Marley's hair; his alcohol-scented breath fanned over her face. Marley was hoping that something would avert their attention from her, and she was therefore relieved when the dates of the jocks all returned from the kitchen (acting as a bar) and took them away from the girl. Marley sighed in relief before continuing to wander around the party for someone she knew. She was greeted, instead, by a reacquainted enemy – the food table.

The table was filled to the brim -on it, every party food imaginable. Sandwiches, cheese, nuts, potato chips, wraps, fried chicken, sausages, pizza, breadsticks, cupcakes, fondue, soufflés, fruit displayed elegantly, vegetable and dips arranged neatly… you name it. Marley's eyes grew large as she took the table's entirety in, wondering what the grand total of calories on the table would be. She felt her stomach rumble aggressively (she had skipped meals today) and came to the ultimate conclusion that she had to eat _something; _she took a few carrot sticks and a creamy chive dip and grabbed a napkin. She began munching on the food and quickly finished it. Her stomach grumbled for more.

Soon, Marley was grabbing multiple things from the table, including chocolate covered strawberries and Doritos, only skimming slightly along the vegetables and healthy factors of the huge table. She took a turkey and stuffing sandwich and a mince pie to complete the meal on her paper plate and began devouring the food in private, glad that no one had spotted her yet. She finished the food and was comfortably full and satisfied with herself, but that feeling lasted only seconds.

'_Oh my god, what have I done?' _she thought to herself as she stroked her stomach, filled to the brim and looking incredibly rounded to her. One thing raced through her mind as she counted and winced at all of the things she had eaten – '_I have to puke.'_

Marley soon found herself fumbling her way up the stairs, fanning away the constant 'hey's and 'how are you's as she climbed the elegant staircase. Her inner demon, as she called it, was nagging at her. This was the same voice in her head that had haunted her months ago, when her bulimia had really kicked off.

'_You're so stupid, Marley! No wonder no one will go out with you. You're fat and lazy and disgusting and alone in life and pathetic. Are you still thinking of getting married; of starting a family in life? Forget it, you bitch!'_ She winced at the voices. This wince only grew as Unique approached her.

"Hey girl! Man, Unique has been looking for you all night! You look fabulous in that dress, honey. Have you tried those brownies? They are totally heaven in-"

"Yes, yes, they're good. I'll see you round, Unique!"

"Boy, you don't look too good, honey. Are you OK?"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry," Marley smiled and waved her friend goodbye, before she was greeted by Blaine not long after.

"Hey Marley! You look stunning tonight, by the way. A-…Are you all right?" Blaine mused, turning his happy expression to a concerned one in an instant as he read her uneasy expression.

"Oh, yeah! I'm great." She lied through her teeth once more. "You look awesome tonight, Blaine! I'll catch up with you later." Marley grinned as she inched ever closer up the stairs until she reached the bathroom.

She locked the door abruptly and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her demon imagination was now taking a kick at her as she did so, and she began to cry. The mirror showed her that fat was practically dripping off her body. The voice inside her head, along with her eyes, was lying to her petite figure. Her complexion was appearing to be chubby and large, not thin like reality, and this reflection made her sob more. She made her way to the toilet and plunged two fingers down her throat; it was something she hadn't done in a while. She sobbed as the foods she had stuffed herself with came out of her stomach, leaving a foul taste in her mouth. Marley continued until she was sure that nothing in her stomach remained, sobs shaking and racking her thin body. She flushed the toilet and reached into her clutch after washing her hands. She soon grasped some mints and popped them into her mouth before finding her remover wipes and taking off, then redoing her smudged makeup.

When Marley finally unlocked the door and emerged from the bathroom, she saw a friendly face approaching her, and she internally winced as she saw him. She had made a promise to him months before whereby she would never do what she had just done in the lavatory again, and to think that she just broke that promise to one of her best friends… she felt as though she would well up in tears once more.

"Hey, Marley! I thought you weren't coming because of your mom," Marley felt pain in her when the boy mentioned her mom, "but Blaine just told me you were here. Listen, I really need to talk to-" Ryder began, but then he scanned the brunette's expression and looked at her with a look of pure concern. _"_Marley, are you alright?"

"Y-yeah, yeah!" she lied and reassured him, sniffing loudly and casting her eyes over the balcony they were standing on which was hanging over downstairs. It was one simple eye movement, but to him it told him everything.

"You're not okay." Ryder confirmed.

"No, I am. Seriously, Ry-"

"And you threw up."

"What are you talking about? I've stopped – I… I stopped months ago!" Marley exclaimed nervously, wiping her palms on her dress again with pure anxiousness.

'_She did, didn't she? I knew this party would be too much for her. God, her eyes are red. She's been crying too? I knew I should have looked out for her better.' _Ryder thought in an instant, scanning her expression. They were best friends and Marley joked that Ryder almost knew her _too_ well. Ryder had a ginormous crush on the girl, and sometimes, just sometimes, he got the impression that she loved him too. "Marley, don't lie to me. I'm your best friend. I'm not mad at you, I promise." _Promise. _That word repeated itself over and over in her mind. She had promised she wouldn't let her urges; her demons; everything take over. And she broke that promise. He'd be so disappointed in her - maybe he'd stop being friends with her. Maybe he'd get tired of waiting for her to love him back like she knew he did and move on from any real feelings she knew he had for her…

"I'm not l-lying to y-ou, Ryd-er. I p-promise," Marley felt the tears well up in her eyes and she couldn't stop them as one rolled down her cheek. There was that word again. _Promise._

_ 'The one which you broke coldly in half, you liar.' _She couldn't stop her inner demon, it had well and truly taken over. _'Liar! Liar! You lied to your Best. Friend. He'll never love you now! You LOST him, you dummy! He'll be gone. Forever. Just like your father! Man, your daddy would hate to see you now, wouldn't he? He'd be so glad that he left you and your 5000 pound mother! And all because you're so fat and you had the nerve to LIE to your best friend! To LIE to a guy you even want to date; you won't even admit that you looooove him! Liar! Liar! LIAR! LIAR!'_

The voice in her head overwhelmed her, and she was now crying the hardest she ever had in front of him. Her loud sobs were thankfully disguised by the loud music to those surrounding them, but he was now holding her and hugging her tightly as she cried loudly into his chest. "Shhh, Marley, it's okay. No-one's mad at you, it's okay. It's tough, I know, but you're gonna survive this. You're so strong, Marley. I know that the holidays are such a tough time for you, but you're so strong. I'm not going anywhere, Marley. You don't deserve this, I know. Marley, it's okay. Shhh…" Ryder murmured the words into her hair as the brunette continued to cry. Marley would try to explain things to him in between the cries, but he knew what she was trying to say and would just hold her as she sobbed, telling her that he knew. Marley eventually quieted down and tore herself reluctantly from Ryder's secure embrace, holding his hands and squeezing them softly to reassure him.

"I'm sorry," she began to say, but he told her not to apologise.

"It's not your fault. You don't deserve any of this." He smiled sadly and caressed her cheek, wiping away makeup-stained tears.

"But I broke my promise-"

"Marley, don't worry about that promise. As long as you get better, I'm okay. I just hate seeing you like this… I hate to see you so wounded, love."

"I'm okay, I promise," '_Are you going to break THAT promise too, then?' _the voice inside her head let out another cold retort.

"Mar, it's okay not to be okay sometimes, you know." Ryder said as he began chuckling with sadness laced in his laughter.

"I know, I know." Marley responded, sniffing and giggling slightly. "Thanks for knowing me."

"No problem at all," Ryder smiled as he saw her do the same.

"I love you," Marley grinned as she looked down.

"I love you too, Mar." Ryder replied as he gave her a light and playful punch on her arm.

"No," she sniffed once more. "I mean it."

"Huh?"

"I love you," Marley let out in a whispering tone as she slowly got closer to the boy again. He seemed confused, but an extremely tiny, playful grin had crept onto his face. Marley smiled softly before kissing him, her lips as soft as pillows against his. Ryder reciprocated after catching up with his thoughts; they both began smiling into the action. Marley eventually broke away slowly as their noses brushed together and their foreheads became pressed against one another's. All was simple and spontaneous, and all was to be heard for them was each other's steady and quiet breathing, and Marley's eyelashes closing and reopening slowly as she gazed into his warming eyes.

"I love you too." He whispered eventually.

* * *

**Merry Christmas, everyone. And have a happy new year! :-)**

**-Beth :P**

**P.S: sorry for my total addiction to the semi colon.**


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